I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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