There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
