Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
