I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You need Xanax blowdarts
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
