I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
