I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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