My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
