So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
