when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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