Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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