Sponge bath it is.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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