At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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