someone get that fucking seahorse.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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