you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
