Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
MIDGETS
????
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
