A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
