4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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