I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Randomize
