I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
