This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
