My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
