im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
