I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
