I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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