you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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