life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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