She announced her abortion via fbk
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
