my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
