Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
