i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
