ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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