im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
