I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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