if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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