dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
