you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
