Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
