You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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