I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
