I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
