Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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