Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
