he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
