She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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