After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
