What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
