Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
