he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
