thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
