At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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