im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
